He Had a Dream . . .

I've posted this picture each Martin Luther King Day for the past two or three years - since I captured it during a visit to DC one summer. It moved me then, and continues to do so.

The irony prevalent in that MLK now has a statue memorializing his legacy – his dream, if you will – in our nation's capitol building, and this young child, decked out in red, white and blue, casually stands beneath MLK's watchful eye, never ceases to amaze me. I'm sure as an African American male, he will know prejudice and pain from folks who still don't "get" the dream. But I do hope that this photo reflects that we have made progress.

"Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. That is the interrelated structure of reality."  ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thoughts Under The DOMA

“Hey Cindy! We want to invite you guys over on Friday.  We’re having a group of people over and want to include you and Gayle.”

“Sounds great!  What can we bring?”

“Not a thing.  Just yourselves.  We just love you two!”

* * *

“Come on in! Glad you could make it.  Dinner is almost ready.  Ok, everyone, listen up. We don’t have enough china and steaks for everyone.  So, all the straight couples are going to eat in the dining room.  Cindy & Gayle – we have one other gay couple coming, and we thought you guys could eat in the kitchen at that table.  Help yourself to paper plates, and there are some hamburgers and chips on the counter. If you need cheese or other condiments, they should be in the fridge.  We are SO glad you could come – we just love you guys!”

* * *

Ridiculous isn’t it.  Imagine inviting your friends over and making some of them sit at “the kids’” table, or in the kitchen, serving them something less than what the other guests are eating because you just didn’t have enough for everyone. And expecting them to believe you when you tell them they are just as important to you as your other friends who get to sit at the same table as the hosts and have the full meal.

We have visited a couple of “welcoming and affirming” churches the past few weeks, and I begin to see more and more why this is such an important identifier for the LGBT community.  I have been blessed to be a part of some congregations who have been very welcoming and loving to me, but they have not been able, yet, to take that next step toward being openly affirming. It seems to say - Our straight members can have their unions celebrated and blessed by their church family, but not everyone would “understand” if we offered this to same sex couples in our family. It’s not legal in our state, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.  

And why do I want to be “blessed” by a church that for centuries hasn’t seemed to want to recognize my existence? I  want to share this with my church family because I love these people, too; we share the same journey in seeking to know our Creator’s purpose for our lives; we share many of one another’s struggles; and I want to fully share one another’s life celebrations.  I prefer not to have to tip toe gingerly around some topics. Marriage has been the topic of the day thanks to the Supreme Court decision overturning DOMA.  But churches need to realize that marriages (or blessing unions) is not the only “affirming” issue on the table. If a gay couple adopts a child together, would you be willing to celebrate with them in a baptism/dedication of that child? (And if so, are you prepared to explain to the child as he or she grows in the church why you could not bless the union of his/her parents?). If one of the partners should die, are you willing to gather around them and acknowledge the partner’s loss that is left behind as you would any other member losing a spouse? DOMA is important, but it is just the tip of the iceberg.   

To be openly affirming, in my mind, means that I get to sit at the “adult” table.  The china and the steak and the wine are not withheld from me because I’m “too young” or just not “quite” a full-fledged member of the group.  It’s a bit like saying, “We love you guys! But please don’t ask for more than we are prepared to give. You’ve done without this long – let’s not rock the boat and risk offending anyone. YOU understand, right?”

God Love Wendell Berry - Intolerance and/OR Compassion

God love Wendell Berry and other heterosexuals who don't see gay marriage as a threat or an abomination - or, for that matter, as a "right" to be granted.  In a recent article put out by abpnews, Berry asserts that liberals and conservatives have invented "a politics of sexuality" that establishes marriage as a "right" to be granted or withheld by whichever side prevails.  He said both viewpoints contravene principles of democracy that rights are self-evident and inalienable and not determined and granted or withheld by the government.

I shared another article on Facebook from the Huffington Post the other day and found myself in an interesting dialogue/commentary with two former students - one on the far left, and one on the far right of the discussion. The HP article suggested that it is time for conservative Christians to "evolve" on the subject of LGBT equality.  My far right friend patently disagreed, quoting scripture and verse to support his stance. I pointed out that God is love, and Jesus was compassionate to the point of choosing not to observe Biblical and Pharasaic law and heal folks (usually presumed to be in need of healing because of some "sin") on the Sabbath (a law deemed punishable by death). Further "discussion" ensued, my far left friend adding his two cents in support of my assertions, with neither side giving much ground to the other - but kindly and civilly, of course.

And then, I politely stopped "discussing." There comes a point where one realizes there is no common ground to be had, and the dialogue becomes a volleying of monologues.  I have to admit I was saddened to have to accept that my former student was "compassionately" pointing out that he was intolerant of my "sin."

No matter how intolerant of me or the truth of Jesus our society becomes . . . I won't "evolve" into a mentality that equates sin with truth.  But that doesn't mean I am not compassionate, either.  Jesus dined with prostitutes and thieves, yet he was intolerant of sin.  I'm not a hate monger or bigot because I'm intolerant of the LGBT lifestyle: I just don't believe it is right by God's standard expressed in the Bible. Compassion does not mean tolerance of sin. . . .  Therefore, followers of Jesus cannot simply "evolve" to accept as truth a concept that would betray their faith.

My sadness came from wondering what he really knows about the "LGBT lifestyle" - and whether, as a part of his "compassion," he even wants to understand it.  Nor do I, as a follower of Jesus, find my "lifestyle" a betrayal of my faith.  My "lifestyle" is pretty normal and even boring by most people's standards - heterosexuals included.  In fact, the only thing that distinguishes my life from my heterosexual counterparts is who I choose to sleep with.  And, like most of my middle aged, straight friends, there is generally a lot more sleeping than "sinning" occurring. I'm frankly not sure that my "lifestyle" is worthy of the time and energy involved in being "intolerant."

I find myself saying this often, so forgive the broken record if you've heard this before, but . . . When homosexuals become a face and a family, rather than an abstraction and an arbitrary group, I think we all begin to wrestle with our understanding of how Jesus would interact with, and love, this person. We all have to come to a decision about whether the Bible should be interpreted in light of the cultural context, or if they are God's overarching literal intent for all eternity.

As my far left friend and I continued our discussion privately, he pointed out that Wendell Berry perhaps said it best in the following:

"Condemnation by category is the lowest form of hatred, for it is cold-hearted and abstract, lacking even the courage of a personal hatred," Berry said.  "Categorical condemnation is the hatred of the mob. It makes cowards brave. And there is nothing more fearful than a religious mob, a mob overflowing with righteousness - as at the crucifixion and before and since. This can happen only after we have made a categorical refusal to kindness: to heretics, foreigners, enemies or any other group different from ourselves."

May we all, myself included, avoid a betrayal of our faith through categorical condemnation. 

When the World Does End - Making Sense of the Senseless

Well, here I am.  The world didn't end today.  Perhaps, if the Mayans were so smart, they might still be around to see the fallacy of their prediction . . .

Nevertheless, as I listened to 26 bells chime this morning in memory of the Sandy Hook shooting victims, it occurs to me that a bit of the world did end a week ago for the families and friends of these children and teachers.  And not just for those who knew them. We have been a nation obsessed with this tragedy for the past seven days. While we have experienced and mourned other equally senseless mass shootings over the past few years, I don't think we have reacted with this intensity to anything since the Oklahoma City bombing where, again, the senseless loss of lives was compounded because the innocent victims were children.

Then comes the onslaught of folks trying to make sense of the senseless.  

• Where was God?
• Why did we push God out of our schools?
• Too many guns
• Not enough guns
• Disarm the people
• Arm the teachers
• Help the mentally ill
• Lock up the mentally ill

Sorry, my friends.  You can't make sense of the senseless.  You can't force God onto people and into schools. You can't create non-violence through violence. As for the mentally ill, we can't sweep them under the rug, or force them to take their meds.

God has never left us, and no one has ever taken away my freedom, or yours, to pray in or out of school.  I'm just old enough (and started school in the Bible-belt South) to remember my teacher reading a short Bible story (with no commentary) at the start of the school day, and students taking turns saying a prayer for our food before we went to lunch.  I didn't find it particularly meaningful then, and I doubt that God was particularly "honored" by our efforts.  When it disappeared, I hardly noticed, yet I continued to communicate with God throughout my school day, shared my faith experiences, and felt God's presence with me.  By the time I was in high school, we had moved out of the Bible-belt, and some of my most significant spiritual experiences involved being able to have an open an honest discourse with my favorite teacher on matters of faith.  Because I took several English classes with this woman, some of my writing for her involved personal position papers and analysis of writing in which I was never forced to separate my faith from my intellectual inquiry.  Yep, God was in my school.  And I'm sure in many others.  And hanging copies of the Ten Commandments up in the school, or starting each day with a knee-jerk prayer, would have enhanced none of those experiences.

And while we are considering God's presence or lack thereof in our midst, let's recall Jesus - often referred to as one of the greatest teachers.  Imagine with me for a moment that Jesus was teaching at Sandy Hook.  Now, imagine Jesus being trained to carry an assault rifle or even smaller firearm to "protect" the children in his class in the event of a similar tragedy.  Can't quite picture it, can you? What I can picture is Jesus hiding those children in a bathroom and telling them to wait for "the good guys."  And I can picture Jesus throwing himself in front of a group of children to take the bullets intended for them.  And I can picture Jesus telling his students that he loved them. Hmm.  Guess Jesus was at Sandy Hook, after all.  But he sure wasn't protecting with a firearm.  Please don't ask me to do that, either.  

We assume that the killer was mentally ill, because we simply can't make sense of anyone in their right mind doing what he did.  It may be that he was just evil, impulsive, or otherwise damaged. Regardless, there will always be evil in the world.  There will always be impulsive and damaged individuals who hurt innocent people.  We can't "fix" that.  As fallible humans, all we can do is our best to protect our families, the innocent, the elderly, the physically and mentally ill, and then, do our best to pick up the pieces and comfort those who are hurting when evil momentarily wins.  If we do this, then evil may win a battle, but Love will win the war.  Love must always win.  Just ask the Mayans.

Welcome to My World

I'm another year older, and as is my custom, I like to celebrate that aging is a daily process by celebrating for several days. Today's celebratory activities began with a great breakfast and conversation with good friends at a local eatery. After the usual preliminary discussion of what is new in each of our lives, the conversation turned, not unexpectedly, to politics, gay "rights" versus privileges, and a brief summary of my last blog post where I suggest that we have to be willing to share our stories in order to understand one another's realities.

Two committed lesbian couples, one preparing to begin their 20th year together, and the Frau and I anticipating our 10th year, ranging in age from our late 40's to 60 - realized we are growing weary, and older, waiting for "change." As we discussed the realities of our world, we realized that most heterosexual couples in equally longstanding and committed relationships don't give a second thought to the fact that should their spouse die, they would be entitled to collect the social security benefits of their deceased other. We would not. 

After 10 and 20 years together, respectively, we are families. We have grown so accustomed to thinking of ourselves in that way that it is a nasty jolt into reality when we find ourselves in a situation where others do not recognize us as such. That recognition may be as subtle as being invited as individuals - not as a couple - to events at your own church, or as blatant as being denied the opportunity to adopt or have your marriage recognized.

I am really sorry that in the 21st century, that gay "rights" is an issue at all.  As Rachel Maddow points out, we shouldn't have to be granted rights - that's why they call them "rights." Nevertheless, it appears that we do. I feel like a broken record, but I don't think we can "argue" people into seeing things "our" way. Attitudes and perceptions change when abstract issues become humanized through getting to know real live people. If we are going to be known, then we are going to have to tell our stories. We are going to have to be willing to say, if you make that decision/vote that way/ignore that attitude, then I and my family will be impacted in this way.  A friend of mine posted the following quote on his Facebook page recently:

"I wish my moderate Republican friends would simply be honest. They all say they’re voting for Romney because of his economic policies...and that they disagree with him on gay rights. Fine. Then look me in the eye, speak with a level clear voice, and say 'My taxes and take-home pay mean more than 

-your fundamental civil rights, 
-the sanctity of your marriage, 
-your right to visit an ailing spo

use in the hospital,
-your dignity as a citizen of this country,
-your healthcare,
-your right to inherit,
-the mental welfare and emotional well-being of your youth, and
-your very personhood.'

You’re still complicit. You’re still perpetuating anti-gay legislation and cultural homophobia. You don’t get to walk away clean, because you say you 'disagree' with your candidate on these issues." -Doug Wright

What is your story? What subtle or not so subtle actions have made you (or a loved one) feel diminished as a human being? Would you be willing to share them with me? If you would be willing to contribute to this effort, leave a comment here, or message me privately on Facebook. I promise to respect any requests for anonymity; although, I think our most powerful stories will bear the stamp of our identity. I would like to find a way to tell our stories, humanize our lives, share our reality, so that those who really seek to know us can understand when we say "Welcome to My World." 

Taking a Stand ... with Time in the Gray Space

With election day only days away, the unresolved issues with which I continue to wrestle have very little to do with for whom I shall cast my vote for President.  On that point I am firmly resolved.  I don’t think my candidate is perfect, but I think he seeks the best for our country. I’m quite sure my friends on the other side of the aisle have similar feelings about the candidate they support.

My struggle is in wondering where we draw the line, impose or don’t impose, take a stand or avoid the subject entirely.  Like many, I have grown increasingly frustrated with some of the highly negative talk generated by both sides on Facebook and other social media. There have been moments I have jumped up with the crowd to yell, “this is not the place!”  I know folks who manage to gracefully change the subject when political talk is introduced. But I have also read posts from friends trying to explain, in as rational a way as they can, their very heartfelt feelings about why a particular candidate should be supported.

As a teacher, I am discouraged from discussing my political beliefs with my students. And I am beginning to wonder if this is wise or healthy. Part of the rationale, I think, is the circle of influence we have with our students and the fact that we might exercise undue persuasive tactics that might result in our students being confused or manipulated. I don’t condone manipulation and intimidation in the classroom on Facebook or with my friends. Ministers are also discouraged from using the power of the pulpit to sway the political views of their parishoners. I fear, however, that in the effort to protect, we once again throw out the baby with the bath water.  Whatever happened to honest, intellectual discourse? Must we now boycott the topic entirely and leave the mouthpiece of information in the hands of groups paying for political ads?

I, for one, have always appreciated hearing thoughtful opinions from those in my circle of influence.  They influence me for a reason.  That doesn’t mean that I agree with them on every point, but they make me think in the gray spaces. They help me to look at different sides of issues, or issues about which I haven’t thought at all. The final episode of Aaron Sorkin’s West Wing series concludes with Jimmy Smits having won the Presidential election, and talking his opponent, Alan Alda, into accepting the position of Secretary of State. Alda comments something to the effect, “But we don’t agree on hardly anything!”  To which Smits replies, “I’m surrounded by people who agree with me - I need you to help me see the whole picture.” (loosely remembered and quoted - but this is the gist).  And the episode ends with them having an animated, but healthy and engaging conversation - but not necessarily an agreeable one. 

I am voting for Obama. I place a high priority on my civil rights as a gay American, and I would like to see them acknowledged as rights, so that we can move on to the important economic and educational issues that so desperately need our attention. But my rights to be legally joined to my spouse, visit her in the hospital, make medical decisions for her, inheritance issues, the right of gay couples to adopt and raise families together, etc. are very important to me, and I would like to see the government acknowledge them as "rights" and not a behavior to be condoned or regulated. I don’t think the Republican platform will support me in this. But I have also really wanted to hear from some of my friends who are considered “small business” owners about which platform they genuinely feel will support them.  I suspect I would hear advocates for both sides, but I want to hear from them, not political candidates far removed from this reality. I want to be able to discuss this - without fear of becoming a political pariah - so that I can become more informed about the whole picture, and so friends and acquaintances who do not walk in my shoes can become more informed about my reality. Until we are willing to take a stand, how can any of this discussion take place? As long as we avoid all political talk, how will we ever understand the needs faced by our neighbor? 

I think we need to rethink taking a stand with each other, and spending a little more time in the gray spaces - together. 

Audacity of Pride - Purveyor of Hope

I had the good fortune several months ago of meeting Dr. Ron Holt and hearing him speak on the biology of gay sexuality, bullying and suicide prevention. Dr. Holt is a clinical psychiatrist who is committed to sharing scientific facts about human sexuality, LGBT health issues, and bullying, and he backs up that commitment by donating his time, speaking primarily to medical and collegiate audiences around the country. You will find a link to his website - Audacity of Pride - on this blog, and I also encourage you to follow him on Twitter (LGBT Shrink - @Dr.RonHolt).

In a day and time when so many young people are striving to become more open about their sexual orientation, I find Dr. Holt a purveyor of hope and vital source of information for anyone struggling with acceptance, health related issues, and non-acceptance or bullying from others. I refer to young people because I work with them everyday, but adults are certainly not immune. As Ron said in a recent Tweet, "Research shows that LGBT youth who are closeted are at greater risk for depression, substance abuse, and suicide." He also points out that LGBT youth are 2-4 times more likely to attempt suicide compared to their straight peers. Did you know that 40% of homeless youth are LGBT and the number one reason is family rejection? As a gay, Christ following teacher, how can I not keep myself aware of such important issues impacting the lives of my students? 

I offer this post primarily as a challenge to all who read it.  Check out Dr. Holt's website, follow him on Twitter, and be sensitive and aware of those around you who may be struggling with issues related to their sexuality, be it acceptance, health, bullying or suicide. You don't have to be an expert on the topic.  In fact, if you do nothing but make the following information available to those with whom you come in contact, you may save a life or become a purveyor of hope yourself.

The Trevor Lifeline:  866-488-7386

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  800-273-TALK

Intriguing Intersects

I find it curious how the various areas of my life often intersect in the strangest ways, and without any attempt at intentionality on my part.   Perhaps it is some strange "law of attraction" - some big "secret" I've yet to discover.   But for the moment, I'll just accept it as an intriguing intersect.

Here follows a "for instance . . ."

A couple of weeks ago, my church book club decided that our next book to read would be "The Faith Club" - a book about 3 women, one Christian, one Jewish, and one Muslim, who seek to learn more about each other's faiths and subsequently, each other.   This is path number one.

The Frau and I have been totally immersed in the West Wing series since we bought the entire 7 season compilation as a Christmas gift to ourselves.  The common phrase around our house when we have an evening at home is, "Well, shall we go to Washington?"   Last night, we found ourselves at the beginning of season six, wherein President Bartlett is on a quixotic mission to negotiate peace between Israel and the Palestinians.   Everyone thinks he is on a fool's errand, but he is resolved that he must try to do this thing, regardless of whether his closest staffers vehemently disagree.   This path number two.

My school choir is singing a Sephardic (Spanish Jewish) folksong, and in doing a little background reading today to share with the kids, I not only was reminded of the ethnic origins of the Sephardic sect, but marveled that when they were unceremoniously expelled from the Iberian peninsula (Spain/Portugal), that it was the CHRISTIANS that ran them out.   There was quite a lot of Muslim influence (from northern Africa) in Spain during the medieval period, and ironically, while their differences were duly noted, the Jewish community actually thrived under Muslim rule.  It was only after the Christians assumed the political power position that the Jews found themselves persecuted.   So, while "Columbus sailed the ocean blue," Spain and Portugal were great places to live unless you were a Jew.   Oddly enough, many of these Jews left the Iberian peninsula for the Baltic peninsula, and in recent years are experiencing the same turmoil there that they did in 1492.  These poor people need to find their "happy peninsula."  Path number three.

This evening, the Frau and I attended a lecture at a nearby liberal arts university given by guest theologian and writer, Dr. Charles Kimball.  The title of the lecture (the same as his book) was "When Religion Becomes Evil."  Dr. Kimball specializes in comparative religions, Islam in particular.   He is an ordained Baptist minister, whose grandfather was Jewish.   So when he says that our experience often shapes our views of God and theology, I believe him.   He also encouraged us not to let our experience limit our view of God.  He said, and I think this is a fairly accurate quote, "God may be at work in the world in ways that transcend my experience."  He went on to say that all of the major religions that have withstood the test of time have one fundamental premise in common - they all start with the belief that "something is wrong" with the human predicament.   For the Jew and Christian, that "something" is sinfulness.   For the Buddhist, it is ignorance (if you weren't ignorant, you wouldn't need the Buddha to enlighten you).   And for the Muslim, it is forgetfulness (it is because you forget who God is, that you fail to live in the way God wants you to live).   Much of his discourse revolved around our misunderstandings of these other faith groups, and how we confuse, especially the vast majority of Muslims, with extremist Islamic terrorists.  As he said, "a few clever people, bent on a purpose, can wreak great havoc."   He also reminded us that "terrorism is the weapon of the weak," used by people who have no power base, so they manipulate to create their "weapon."  He closed with a beautiful quote about diversity from the 5th chapter of the Koran, but I wasn't able to jot it down accurately.   I'm going to try to find it and post it at a later time.   Thus ends path number four.

Now maybe these four "paths," as I've chosen to label them, and my perceived intersections of these paths are significant only to me.   But I feel like all roads are intersecting, and I'm on a crash course to a heightened understanding of what these three faith groups have in common.  I actually think I'll be including a fourth group along the way and exploring Buddhist/Hindu traditions (I've found myself on at least one side-road of late on a friend's blog exploring fundamental truths from the Bhagavad Gita - and I'm quite sure I've misspelled that, but I digress).   I'd truly like to have a better knowledge of the commonalities (as opposed to, but not to preclude, differences) so that I can perhaps glimpse a bit of God's workings in the world that transcend my experience.

And the Teacher Becomes the Student . . .

The Frau and I went to an organizational meeting of the Interfaith Hospitality Network at church earlier this week. We almost didn't go, but the Frau is on a related committee at church, and I went along to be supportive (and in hopes it might soften her up a bit in how she feels about the homeless.) As always seems to happen, when I most want someone else to "learn something" (I feel) they need to know, I come away with a few lessons learned myself.

This organization has existed since 1986, and is a simple, yet brilliant, approach to meeting the needs of the homeless - primarily families and children. We gained some definition over our own running conflict when we discuss the homeless. The Frau is usually visualizing the chronically homeless, as I play devil's advocate for those that I visualize - the ones helped by this network - loosely defined as people who have made bad decisions at the worst possible time. I couldn't stop thinking about the book, The Glass Castle (see my earlier blog on this great find), and the kids that get stuck in the middle of all this. The Interfaith Hospitality Network seems to address this very issue, and has been doing it successfully for over 20 years. A day facility is established, providing these people with an address and phone number while they look for more permanent housing and employment, counseling and social work help is available, assistance at saving their earnings (if they do have some kind of employement) toward a downpayment on a new apartment or house is provided, and churches in town provide one week of evening meals, lodging and breakfasts on a rotational schedule. It is volunteer intensive, but the costs are minimal. We were both sold on the program when we left, had signed up to be on the steering committee to begin the process of implementing the program in our city, and I suspect some hefty fodder for blogging to come up as the project (and our involvement) evolves.